Marriage is a good thing; God created it, and nothing bad can ever come from God. As it is written: Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning (James 1:17). Regardless of the terrible experiences of people around you, or even if you may have experienced a terrible marriage, it does not change the fact that marriage is a good thing. According to God’s plan from the beginning, marriage should add so much value, beauty and colour to our lives. So, when we join ourselves to somebody in holy matrimony, we have joined ourselves to someone who will help us fulfil destiny and help us walk in our purpose.
Marriage is perfect, and as imperfect individuals, we are trying to navigate our way in this perfect institution. Therefore, it is possible to have a good marriage! However, to have a good marriage, the husband and wife must be willing to work and share minds and build a home in unity from the ground up. Furthermore, marriage is a covenant; God is on one side, and the husband and wife are on the other side. God’s side is already settled; His plan for us is to have an enviable, colourful and beautiful family life. So, it is up to us; God will not go beyond our willingness to cooperate with Him.
Also, note that God has given us sufficient grace to navigate through this institution, but the question is, are you putting that grace to work? There are times you may be doing everything you know to do, following God’s Word, engaging with everything He has given you to work with, and your spouse is not cooperating. I would advise the following:
- Seek Godly Counsel. This is very crucial.
- Be prayerful. Many times, people say it is not just about prayer. Please understand that prayer is critical; it is key. Among the other things you do, you must be praying because prayer has the power to change the person and the situation.
- Communicate with your spouse. Sometimes, all you need to do is effectively communicate with your spouse. Don’t talk to your spouse with your emotions all over the place because you may end up saying things you regret. Before you speak to your spouse about anything, go to God in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to speak. All you need are the right words that will gain entrance into his/her heart to provoke a change.
Please understand that marriage is not one-sided or for the fulfilment of one person; God is not a partial God. Many times, people like to quote one part of the scriptures to favour themselves. For instance, some husbands harass their wives using the verse of scripture on submission constantly, but that same verse also says you should love your wife as Christ loved the Church. As it is written: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church… (Ephesians 5:25). So, check yourself! Do you love your wife as Christ loved the Church, not as culture or your friends and family say? So, if you are constantly having issues with your wife, and you want to see a change, just love her as Christ loved the Church. Loving her matters whether or not she changes. You cannot see a change by forcing or making her fearful. The Word says: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear… (1 John 4:18).So, if she is submitting to you fearfully or forcefully, you don’t love her with the God-kind of love.
Just as wives should submit to their husbands, honour and respect them as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), husbands should also know they are to honour their wives. The Word says: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3:6-7). You still have to honour your wife; she is not a nobody. You cannot treat her terribly and expect your prayers to be answered. God is not a partial God; He is watching you. Therefore, the individual parties involved in a marriage institution, a man and a woman, have a part to play, and as you do, you will experience the blessings God has in store.