WHAT HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS LOOK LIKE
The Rosy Years
“Mommy, that’s my friend,” a statement that was hardly ever questioned. It was met with the gentle smile of a mother or trusted adult, calmly telling you, “I hope that’s a good boy/girl.”
If you think back to your childhood days, you will realise that childhood friendships were easier and all started the same way. You see someone you want to be friends with, so you start talking to them or warming up to them. A few shared laughs later, you’re friends. It was that easy.
As the years trudged on, your teenage years started; you might have got into a rebellious phase, wanting to change things, or maybe you just wanted everything to make sense. Soon enough, your parents got wind of the impact your peers had on your changing behaviour, and then you started getting warned, “Be mindful of the friends you keep,” “Avoid bad friends,” and the cultural favourite, “Remember the child of whom you are.”
The Flipped Narrative
But like everything else in life, making and sustaining friendships didn’t come with a guidebook, just warnings after warnings.
Warnings that guide your every decision and follow you into adulthood. Warnings that guide your moral compass and ultimately dictate your values. These same warnings become second nature, so when you see people who act contrary to what you believe in, you begin to question them: “Who raised you?” “Why are you behaving like this?” “Did you skip home training?”
The journey of adulthood is a constant reminder that you will always be tested in multiple ways, and though you were not expecting it to be that tough, it is a shock when you face difficulties with friendships and battle with toxic friendships.
Multiple scars from friendships leave you struggling to make friends, and when you do make friends, you’re scared it will be a repeat of your previous relationships. So you’re left wondering how to sustain them and ensure they are godly because you know that friendships will make or mar you, and no friendship is worth risking your destiny for.
Let’s answer the infamous question of how to make friends as an adult by understanding the foundation: Christian principles for healthy friendships.
What are the Christian principles for healthy friendships?
1. Christ-Centred Love (Agapé): Healthy friendships are rooted in selfless love, loving others just as Christ loves us all, and loving them unconditionally. Philippians 2:3-4 emphasises the need to prioritise others’ needs above our own.
2. Forgiveness and Grace: Many would repeatedly forgive an unrepentant partner despite how many times they disappoint them but would hesitate with forgiving a friend over one misstep. It’s an imbalance that plagues many friendships today. As explained in Colossians 3:13, it is important to remember that friends are just as human as you are and would make many mistakes. It is therefore essential to be as forgiving to your friends as Christ is to you.
3. Honesty: Just as you would not appreciate a lie, you are to speak the truth to your friends, even when it is difficult. A healthy friendship is based on accountability, honesty and constructive criticism at all times. Proverbs 27:6 tells us the importance of staying true when things are difficult. Please note that in all these, being honest is not an excuse to be loose with your words.
4. Evenly yoked: The biblical adage of iron sharpening iron applies to all relationships you find yourself in as a Christian. Your friend should strengthen you and help you grow in your faith, and vice versa.
5. Spiritual Alignment: As mentioned earlier, friends can determine how your destiny pans out, so choosing friends who encourage a closer relationship with God helps ensure the friendship supports one’s spiritual journey, as noted in 1 Corinthians 15:33.
A Manual Already Exists
The beauty of being a Christian is that the Bible serves as a guidebook for navigating the murky waters of life, including friendships. All that is left is for you to remember that healthy relationships begin with your keen application of Bible teachings. Whenever you read the word, it puts up a mirror for you to look at yourself and acknowledge your flaws and areas of improvement before drawing conclusions about others and writing them off. Sometimes, all you need is the Fruit of the Spirit to help you see people differently, adjust your behaviour, and become more accepting of their differences.
In conclusion, remember that a Christ-centred approach to life is paramount to having healthy friendships.
Thoughts, questions or contributions? Share with us in the comment section.
Thanks for the goodly advice, more blessings in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thank you for this topic and how you pointed out facts, challenges and solutions, when friendship is not valued. I believe in walking out, whereby it’s no longer healthy. This is one of the mistakes Christians does, considering what people will say in our actions not minding how it affects us and our beliefs, is it pleasing to God? Once a friend must not always be friends. If we are not going the same direction especially when it matters to the things of the spirit. We do nothing together! Agape indeed should be the base. Not for what is gained.