Your emotions matter!
I watched on as a young boy cried after hurting his legs while walking with his dad. “Come on, be a man; shake it off. Is it that small thing you are crying about? Do you want the girls around to laugh at you?” Those were the words of his father to him, and like a tap that was turned off, the boy shook it off and stopped crying almost immediately.
Beneath the surface of “man up” lies a world of emotional exhaustion, misplaced identity and relational disconnection. For too long, men have been taught that strength means silence, control, and emotional suppression, but true masculinity, as God designed it, is far richer; it includes vulnerability, tenderness, and healing.
Take fatherhood, for instance. One of the most underestimated tragedies of this age is the emotional and physical distance of fathers from their children. A father’s love is a vital part of a child’s development through every stage of life. More often than not, children grow into the patterns they witness in their parents, and a male child often learns who he becomes from his biological father or any father figure around him.
Masculinity is not inherited by chance; it is bestowed. If you are abusive, your son may grow up the same way. If you are unfaithful, chances are that he may be too. If you dominate and control, he may mirror that behaviour in his future home.
Even if he hates your flaws, he may still repeat those patterns because the rule of life is that our lives become a reflection of what we constantly behold, except there is a strong force of refusal against it.
A father is meant to lay a foundation of love, truth, discipline, and dignity. He is expected to not only pass on his name but also model God’s order of fatherhood in the home.
“And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
But sadly, some fathers have ignorantly failed in their responsibility, and without the legacy of healthy fatherhood, many get confused about how to fulfil their role as men. Society has not been helpful either; it gives a negative narrative of what real men should be like.
Let’s explore the societal pressures and expectations tied to masculinity.
- The Pressure to “Man Up”
From an early age, men are told that emotion equals weakness. They are expected to be stoic, strong, and always in control. They have been told that real men handle pressure, real men don’t cry, and real men don’t talk about their emotions. They tend to bottle things up, which eventually leads to loneliness, emotional disconnection or even explosive anger. - The Burden to Provide and Perform
A man is often reduced to how much he earns. His worth is determined by his wallet, job, title, salary, status, and sometimes even his physical looks. If he’s unemployed, financially stranded, or in a less respected role, shame creeps in; he begins to feel like he has failed at being a man. This is not just a financial hit; it is an identity crisis and a dangerous place to be. But the truth is that your value is not tied to your pay cheque. You are not an ATM; you are a man, and even when things fall apart, you are still worthy of love, rest, and restoration. - The Fear of Seeking Help
Research reveals that men are less likely to seek help for mental or emotional struggles than women. Many wait until the pressure becomes unbearable because society has taught them that asking for help is a weakness, that real men man up, not open up. So they numb their pain and bury themselves in work, addiction and silence. But silence is not strength; suppression is not survival. Asking for help does not lead to breakdowns; it leads to breakthroughs. Healing begins the moment you stop pretending and start depending on God and on the people He has placed around you. – Matt. 11:28 - Toxic Toughness & Aggression
From childhood, boys are trained to reject softness, avoid vulnerability and equate strength to dominance. They say words like “Hit back” or “Don’t be a weakling,” so they learn to suppress gentleness and prove their worth through control. They grow into men praised for being “alpha,” feared when aggressive and rarely taught how to connect. But this often leads to emotional isolation, broken relationships and a distorted identity. True masculinity is not about overpowering others but about mastering yourself. It is not in how loud you roar but how deeply you love, lead, and listen. Your strength is not in your fists; it is in your heart.
Let Go and Let God
God’s intention for man was never to carry the weight of life alone. From the very beginning, God designed man to have a good relationship with Him and other humans, with a clear sense of identity that is rooted in purpose. But the devil has worked overtime to distort this pattern by silencing men’s voices, distorting masculinity and breaking the bond between fathers and sons.
In Christ, there is healing, restoration and a return to true masculinity that reflects tenderness and strength.
As we commemorate Men’s Mental Health Day, this is a call to unlearn the noise of culture and rediscover what it truly means to be a man.
The world doesn’t need strong men; it needs whole men, healthy men and God-fearing men. It needs fathers who are present, men who can lead with grace and brothers who have learnt the way of the Lord, because when a man is God-fearing, he will command his household after God. – Gen. 18:19
To every man reading this: You are not defined by your past, pay cheque, or performance. You are loved, you are God’s son, you are enough, and you are not alone. Let this become a part of your consciousness daily.
Happy Men’s Mental Health Day!